You can’t receive visitors without people finding your home. And they can’t find your home without reading the numbers on your mailbox. That’s why the first impression visitors have of your house — and maybe have of YOU — is your mailbox.
So, your humble correspondent respectfully asks — have you taken a good look at your mailbox lately?
— Is it leaning like a tombstone in an abandoned town in the Old West?
— Is it missing a digit in the house number, or have numbers that have faded so much they’re now unreadable?
— Was it dented by a backing-up Amazon driver, or teens playing mailbox hockey? Has that frilly, triangular-shaped decorative iron grille mounted to the bottom of the box rusted?
— Is the hinged door hanging like the tongue from a drunk’s mouth. Does the door stay shut? Can the flag be raised past half-mast?
So what’s a visitor to think? Well, nothing good. Maybe that they’re about to visit people who do not have their act together, are unsuccessful, or are living so close to the edge that they can’t even put together a few lousy bucks to fix their mailbox.
“Reputation management” has become a thing for businesses tired of hackers leaving bad reviews on their website. So let me introduce you to Fix St Louis’ Reputation Management services, formerly known as fixing mailboxes.
In just a few small hours we can completely turn around what people think of you. We can replace that mailbox POST with one made of wood, plastic, or metal. We can replace your mailbox with a new one that is white, black, any number of colors, metallic, or something else. We can replace your numbers with new ones that can be read, even by a wandering driver trying to read them at 20 miles per hour.
We can even help the elites among us who own mailboxes disguised as brick ovens. We can replace missing or split bricks and patch cracked mortar. And our skilled surgeons here at Fix St Louis can even perform a mailbox-ectomy to remove their existing box from its entombment in brick and replace it with a new box.
Look, I realize nothing good arrives in the mail anymore. And it’s an annoying daily task to sift out the pieces you DON’T want to throw away.
But let’s face it — until drones fly through your open windows and plop it on your kitchen table, you’re gonna have this ridiculous thing at your curb. The least you can do is make sure it doesn’t hurt your reputation.
Until then, Fix St Louis can fix your mailbox. Oh, and everything else in your house.
