Skip to content

A Replacement for the Now-Discredited Gym Club Membership New Year’s Resolution

You might want to check me on this because your humble correspondent gets most of his news from TV talk shows playing in the background, with the sound muffled by the toilet or cabinet my head is poked into. 

But I’ve been picking-up that gym club memberships as New Year’s resolutions may now be OUT. In fact, according to some of these talk shows, not only should everyone be PROUD of the way their bodies look, you should think of EVERYONE you meet as equally attractive and equally healthy no matter what shape they’re in, or you might hurt their feelings.

Well, THAT’S a relief. Why waste your time and money on a gym club you’d stop going to after a couple of weeks anyway, when no one around you will even care, not even your doctor? And why hurt the feelings of others by being in so-called “better” shape than they are?

So, how do you fill this void in this most venerable of New Year’s resolutions? Fortunately, unlike the field of health care, there DO seem to be some generally agreed-upon standards in the field of home repairs. For instance, not having cracks in drywall is generally considered to be better, as are doors that open and shut easily, garbage disposals that spin, light switches and electrical outlets that do something when flipped or plugged into, wood that isn’t rotted, and caulk around a bathtub that isn’t yucky.

So, Fix St Louis is proud to announce a New Year’s resolution package. Best of all, it can be easily completed in the FIRST QUARTER of the year, so you can spend the rest of the year slouched on a sofa, stuffing potato chips in your mouth, smug in the knowledge you fulfilled important and meaningful New Year’s resolutions. 

New Year’s Resolution Phase I:

This is as close to yoga as home repair gets. Find a time when you don’t need to go anywhere soon and you will not be interrupted. Go into a light meditative trance and slowly walk from room to room. Try to recall everything that is broken or damaged. You may have repressed some of these because you thought it would be so small a job for a contractor that you would hurt his feelings, thought it couldn’t be fixed, or couldn’t think of what kind of contractor would handle it. Or, for whatever reason, you just kept putting it off and in the end you resolved to stop thinking about it.

Now, call Fix St Louis for a free estimate and we’ll go through each of the items on your list. Remember, we SPECIALIZE in small jobs and, as mentioned above, this whole idea of “hurting our feelings” is a whole new concept to us. We’ll come back to you within a couple of days with a cost for each of those items separately. Generally speaking, if you chose to make ALL these small repairs, it will take us between 1 and 2 days, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t call us sooner.

New Year’s Resolution Phase 2:

If you have a deck, chances are it has some wooden boards or posts that are rotting and need to be replaced. Most contractors who do this type of work will try to talk you into rebuilding the entire deck. But Fix St Louis’ preference for small jobs makes us more about EXTENDING the life of decks by swapping out a few boards or posts at a time.

The reason deck repairs fall under New Year’s resolutions is that after new boards are installed you’ll need to wait at least 90 days for the wood to dry out before it can be stained. So if you want to enjoy a stained, good-looking deck this summer you ought to make the repairs in the winter or early spring.

So in 2024, resolve to get your New Year’s resolutions behind you early. Not to hurt anyone’s feelings but, yeah, Fix St Louis technicians do happen to be in “good shape.” No, as you’ll undoubtedly notice, we do not have “beach bodies,” which would be wasted in our land-locked area anyway, but we are surprisingly strong, which is very helpful for home repairs. Give us a call and let us help you fulfill your New Year’s resolutions right away!

Dr Steve

Fix St Louis