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I’ll take “Borders we can control for $200, Alex”

Sometimes when I listen to the news, I want to bury my head into the next toilet I need to fix, and never look up again. Like, right now. As I write this, things are not looking so good down at the border. And it seems like all we can do is hope and pray that the geniuses we have elected can find an easy fix, without violence, and without triggering a humanitarian crisis.

Thankfully, there was once another genius, the type you’d never find working in the federal government, who said, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Now, I doubt God had your humble correspondent in mind for this particular assignment, but even a non-genius like me can figure this one out. No, I cannot personally change what’s happening at the border. But yes, I have the minimally-needed courage to make a minimal contribution. I can help funnel your anxiety about our borders to a constructive purpose, to give you at least a few minutes of relief.

Instead of thinking about OUR borders, try thinking about YOUR borders. You know, the fences and gates around your property, and that mailbox that greets those on the outside. If you want to make the world a better place, maybe that’s not a bad place to start.

Leaning Fences
I know that a lot of you have fences that are leaning over in certain places, and you haven’t done a thing about it. Maybe it’s because you have no idea who to call to fix it, or you’re afraid that your only option is replacing the entire fence, which never seems to make it to the top of anyone’s list on how best to spend their hard-earned, limited dollars. But the answer is almost always simple and not particularly expensive – replace one or more of the posts. For that, lean on Fix St Louis, and we’ll set you straight.

Deteriorated Fences
If your fence has some broken or rotted posts, pickets, and rails, Fix St Louis can replace them on a one-by-one basis. If your fence is faded or dirty, we can powerwash and stain it. And if you actually LIKE your neighbors, we can also do this on the sides that face them.

Gates that Don’t Latch
Speaking of fences, let’s say you have a gate that won’t latch. So it never stays shut, occasionally flies open, and sends a signal to would-be vandals that you don’t have your home security act together, so they can come right in. Or, maybe you’ve got a gate that Fido pushes open with his snout, so now you’ve got this silly bungee cord on it to keep it shut. Admit it – you have no idea who to call to fix these problems, am I right? Yep, Fix St Louis can handle this.

Do you have one of those mailbox posts that is leaning over at an angle? One you might expect to see at the entrance to a ghost town cemetery with similarly leaning tomb stones, but not in front of a nice suburban St Louis home? You’ve got a problem with missing or broken concrete, and not the type you can order from a window at Ted Drewes. Call Fix St Louis.

There, do you now feel just a little bit better about the world? Come to think of it, with this newsletter I think I’ve launched Fix St Louis into the entertainment business. After all, what’s the job of entertainers if it isn’t to divert you from the problems of the world? But don’t worry, we won’t let it get to our heads. They’ll remain firmly planted in your toilets.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis