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Let’s soberly celebrate St Patrick, the patron saint of home repairs

Wasn’t the whole idea behind holidays to give us an opportunity to reflect upon ideals we share as a people? So, what happened?

For instance, your humble correspondent wonders what people might say in those man-on-the-street interviews when asked why we celebrate Labor Day. Would they talk about the pain endured by very-late-stage expectant mothers? Or maybe the important civil works from chain gangs?

Then there’s that trifecta of holidays whose blurred meanings are now indistinguishable from the buffet line of a Golden Corral. We think of hot dogs on July 4th, turkey on Thanksgiving and, to wash it all down, BEER on St Patrick’s Day.

With the one holiday associated with alcohol coming up next week, your humble correspondent was frankly bothered by his own ignorance on this St Patrick fellow, especially since you’d expect someone with the first name “Saint” to have done something truly mind-boggling – like maybe perform a miracle. And sure enough, I learned that legend has it that he rid Ireland of SNAKES!

Now some of you may think snakes are real cool, and wonder why Patrick would go out and do a thing like that. But if you lived in Ireland at the time, in a house with a thatched roof, you might think otherwise. I read on a reliable source called the Internet that canopy beds were invented so that thatched-roof-dwelling snakes and other animals, along with their collective output, would not fall down directly onto mattresses during the night, and interrupt intimate moments. OK, is there now anyone left out there who doubts this man earned his sainthood?

And if you think about all the home damage snakes must have caused before St Patrick stopped them – not just to thatched roofs, but also to stucco, and thresholds (look it up on the Internet) – you know that everyone in Ireland, perhaps with the exception of the owner of the local “Fix Dublin” franchise, must have been grateful.

So today, we at Fix St Louis honor St Patrick, our patron saint of home repairs, and selflessly call upon the Lord to raise up more, like-minded individuals to deal with the other nature-induced, non-snake-related problems we ourselves are called upon to repair.

Rotted Wood
Extreme outside temperatures and direct sunlight over time will eventually break down any lumber that is outside. Fix St Louis can replace those rotted boards on your deck or that white trim on your exterior walls, using materials that resist degradation. We can use boards made from pressure-treated lumber or composite, plastic-based materials. For rotted railings, there are also aluminum options.

Cold Air Penetration
Just as you would not want snakes to enter your house, cold air doesn’t belong there either. Fix St Louis can replace the weatherstripping around your doors, patch holes in exterior walls, and add insulation to your attic.

Water Penetration
Sometimes water from the outside comes in around windows and doors, from basement foundation walls, and from the roof. For the leaks themselves, Fix St Louis can either repair them, or tell you which type of specialist can. And for interior damage, we will always be your best choice for repairs.

Now you might wonder why Fix St Louis would be so open to a savior to solve the problems that generate so much repair work for us. It’s not like we are saints ourselves, as much as we might aspire to be. We just know that only in heaven are there perfect homes that never need repairs. So until then, by all means keep praying against the elements that might damage your home. But you can always call Fix St Louis if they do.

Dr Steve
Fix St Louis