“When in the course of handyman events it becomes necessary to dissolve the commercial bands that have connected you the homeowner with THAT handyman, whom you originally THOUGHT was great, but who now has your money, won’t return your calls and, now that you mention it, didn’t do such great work, either.”
OK, so maybe I can’t write like Thomas Jefferson. But based on the stories you tell us every day, the truth is self-evident that while all handymen may be CREATED equal, by the time they actually arrive at your house, they sure don’t turn out that way.
That’s why we the handy-persons of Fix St Louis hereby pledge our fortunes and sacred honor in offering this Handyman Bill of Rights:
- We shall make no policy prohibiting homeowners from exercising their right to FREE ESTIMATES, and their ability to schedule FIRM TIMES for appointments shall not be infringed.
- A well-regulated workforce being necessary to perform repairs properly, our technicians shall have at least 10 years of experience.
- Our work shall be GUARANTEED for one full year, and we shall provide a full-time CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE whom you may petition for a redress of grievances.
- The right of homeowners to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects shall not be violated, so we will conduct criminal background checks and random drug tests on our technicians, and their work shall be bonded and insured.
- Checks and Balances: Our customers may write CHECKS to pay their BALANCES (Oh, and may also submit payments by cash or any major credit card, offline or online).
Fix St Louis would never think to impinge upon your freedom of association with other handymen, in your search for a more perfect union. But when it comes to “E Pluribus Unum” (aka ‘One’)-Stop Shopping for professional home repairs, we try hard to be the shining city on a hill.
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis
314-434-4100