Is it now safe for your humble correspondent to pull his head out from the toilet he’s fixing? Because based on TV’s I’ve overheard, from the next room over, it sounds like this may have been a difficult and absurd year.
But I bring you good tidings. We’ve already entered the joyous FIXmas season, when folks fix-up their houses for holiday guests, start thinking about improvements for next year, and give memorable gifts to loved ones.
So what’s the perfect FIXmas gift? Sure, you can give your wife perfume or jewelry to show her that you love her, but she will NEVER forget the time you gave her a gift of fixing something broken in your house. Yeah, NEVER. I’m pretty sure of that.
So, we hope you will join us in a sing-along to help you come up with that perfect, memorable FIXmas gift. And we’ll start with a long-time “fixture” in our FIXmas song catalog.
I’m dreaming of a bright Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know…
When ceiling heights weren’t 20 feet.
So changing bulbs was not a tough feat.
And all the can lights in a row…glowed.
Then there are fond memories from the days of yore, when you only needed to flush a toilet once, and almost never needed a plunger. Before the federal government deduced there was a permanent shortage of water, and forced Big Toilet to reduce the tank discharge from a gush of 6 gallons, to a trickle that practically requires spitting into the tank first. To the tune of “The First No-el,” here is the “The First (Toilet) Bo-well.”
The first bo–well, I ev-er did see,
Had a gen-er-ous 6 gal-lon cap-a-ci-ty.
And of course, what is Christmas without the fun of being surrounded by children? Well, at least until the moment something breaks.
Wreck the walls with wild abandon,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Fix St Louis can patch, paint, and sand ‘em,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Wait, I hear footsteps! Could that be Santa? No, even better! It’s Mariah Carey singing her FIXmas wish list.
I don’t want a lot for FIXmas.
There is just one thing I need.
I don’t care about the presents underneath the FIXmas tree.
I just want a working home.
Faucets that gleam like shining chrome.
Make my home like new.
Get Fix St Louis out here, that’s who!
Well, the early FIXmas season is coming to the end, with maybe not enough time to get your home fixed-up before the guests arrive. But there’s still plenty of time to give FIXmas gifts. So all you homeowners out there, I want you to sing-along, and raise your voices to the heavens, so loud that even your neighbors way in the back of the cul-de-sacs can hear you.
On the 12th day of FIXmas, my handyman fixed for me:
12 toilets running
11 plumbers plumbing
10 drains a-leaking
9 floors a-creaking
8 fans a-spinning
7 framers shimming
6 tiles a-laying
5 WAX TOI-LET RINGS…
4 falling shelves
3 French doors
2 whirlpool tubs
and an off-track door on a pan-try…
Wow. That FIXmas classic never fails to bring a tear to this old handyman’s eyes. Let’s keep the FIXmas spirit going. Invite us to your house for a free estimate, no punch and cookies needed or accepted.
Happy Holidays from Fix St Louis!