As your humble handyman who drives round and round through your cul-de-sacs every day, I pick-up some unique takes on life. For instance, occasionally my pick-up truck gets chased by dogs, but once they catch up they have NO IDEA what to do with it. Now, not to equate politicians with dogs but — OK, so let’s go ahead and equate politicians with dogs — after these horrible every-two-year chases to gain control of the House, does either party ever remember why they wanted it in the first place, and do much of anything differently? So, what’s the point?
So, I’ve got a modest proposal. Instead of spending all that time, anxiety, anger, hate, and dirty special interest money on elections to the U.S. House of Representatives, why not spend it on your OWN HOUSE, to benefit the best special interest there is — you and your family. There’s no need to feel guilty or selfish — this country was founded in part so you could “pursue happiness,” like living in a nice home. On the other hand, how much “happiness” did you see from anybody in the latest pursuit to control Congress?
So, where do you begin to gain control of YOUR house? Well, it makes no sense to call politicians for the answer because they don’t know anything. Hey, let’s call the police! You see, years ago, they invented a program called “Zero Tolerance” that seems to work everywhere it’s tried. The idea is that you fix even the smallest problems, like a crack in a window. This sets a new higher standard for what is acceptable in your home maintenance — that even the smallest problem must be fixed. Next thing you know, the bigger problems REALLY get noticed and stand out, and they get fixed, too. And they keep getting fixed in the future.
Based on our experience repairing homes like yours, here’s a suggested list of small things that may need fixing:
Ten Biggest Small Repairs for Zero Tolerance Program
- A door bell that doesn’t work.
- Cracks in your walls.
- Water stains on your ceilings.
- Interior doors that don’t click shut.
- Front door with light peeking-out along sides and bottom.
- Rotted outside trim at the bottoms of entry or garage doors.
- Sliding or bi-fold closet doors that don’t stay on their tracks.
- Windows that won’t stay open.
- Wetness from leaky drains below kitchen and bath sinks.
- Yucky caulk around your shower base or bathtub ledge.
Zero Tolerance is a good game to play this time of year. Imagine that your nosiest, most fastidious, and most critical relatives will be coming over for Thanksgiving. Now imagine your house the way THEY see it. How would that make you feel? If that doesn’t work, imagine that the Attorney General has just hired a Special Prosecutor to dig into the state of your home maintenance, and can potentially embarrass you, destroy your career, and maybe even put you in jail. Got it? It’s OK, everything will be all right. Here’s our phone number at Fix St Louis, 314-434-4100.
Now, go forth boldly, ignore every single self-help guru who has ever lived, and SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF! Your house will be in better shape and you and your family will be happier. One exception — technically, the US House is small stuff. They should just be ignored.