After months of scrambling, fixing everything that’s gone wrong in your homes, your humble correspondent noticed that something seemed strangely familiar. Locusts? Storms? Insects? One right after another?!
Then it hit me. I walked up to a bookshelf, picked up this big book, opened it, and THERE IT WAS! In Exodus, Chapters 7-12.
Now, I’m not sure I have this all right because, after all, I’m a handyman and not a theologian. But you see, there were these people called Egyptians. And they got caught up in this squabble between the Jewish people and the Pharaoh, who wouldn’t let them go. But then the big HE got involved, and he took sides. So HE started to apply some pressure to change the Pharaoh’s mind in the form of 10 Plagues, big problems ranging from weather, insects, life and death, and even the killing of the first born – yikes! In the process these Egyptians, who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, took on some collateral damage.
Now, I’m just a lowly handyman, and I’m not one to judge. But it doesn’t seem to me that the Egyptians did much to deserve punishment that was clearly targeted for the Pharaoh – they probably never even voted for the guy. But in much the same way, unless one of you out there in the St Louis area did something really, really bad that I don’t know about, you can’t say our community deserved the locusts, ice, storms, flooding, tornadoes, wind damage, and stink bugs we’ve had over the past few months.
In regards to what calamity might befall our community next, while I’m not a psychic, a meteorologist, or a biblical scholar, I would not have been able to eke out a living as a handyman if I didn’t have at least SOME skills in pattern recognition. By my count we’ve now experienced 5 mini-plagues, more or less. So here’s how Fix St Louis can help on the 5 left to come:
Darkness
Darkness was actually one of the original 10 Plagues. But in these times, unless Ameren has an outage, there’s no reason to experience darkness, either inside or outside your home. Fix St Louis can install post lanterns in your front yard, wall lanterns around your house, and light fixtures on walls and ceilings inside, even in places there aren’t any now.
Fire
Most of our work in fire safety involves stopping the spread of fire throughout the house. In garages, we prevent the spread of fires from your gas-powered engines by sealing all the openings and cracks in walls and ceilings between the garage and the house, and by installing fire-rated doors leading into the house. On the inside, we prevent fires from spreading between rooms by plugging gaps around pipes beneath sinks, and “fire-blocking” holes often found between basement ceilings and the floor above. Don’t fight fire with fire (geez, does that sound like a bad idea, or what?). Fight fire with Fix St Louis.
Carpenter Bees & Termites
Most of our insect-related work is about carpenter bees and termites, specifically repairing the damage they cause. In general, the damage caused by carpenter bees is a matter of aesthetics and not a matter of weakening structures. But sometimes it does compromise structures, and sometimes it just looks so bad you’ll want to do something about it. Fix St Louis can replace carpenter bee-compromised boards. On the other hand, termite damage frequently weakens your house structure. Fix St Louis will work with you and your pest control specialist to get it under control.
Hail
Also one of the original 10 Plagues. We all know about hail damage. While you’ll need a roofer to replace your roof, Fix St Louis handles just about all other hail damage that’s not on your car, including siding, deck boards, exterior window and door trim, and anything else that gets whacked by hail.
Smiting of the First Born
OK, maybe that title is a bit too dramatic and of biblical proportions. Nevertheless, your house needs to be secure, not just to keep strangers from smiting or doing other bad things to your first born, but also to other members of your family, your pets, and all of your worldly possessions. Think of Fix St Louis for doors and windows that close properly, door locks, RING-type doorbells, outside video cameras, security lighting, and more.
The rallying cry to the Pharaoh of “Let My People Go” has resonated for thousands of years with us Western Civilization-ers. But is there really anyone out there who, in the face of plague-level damage to their homes, would cry out “Let My HOUSE Go”? No, I didn’t think so. Fortunately, there’s no need to risk causing a disturbance by crying out to us. Just give Fix St Louis a call, and we’ll lead you to the promised land of a beautiful and fully functioning home.
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis