I’m thinking we may need to institute mandatory drug testing on Christmas decorations. Because, I swear, some of them must be on steroids.
Just a few short years ago, homeowners might just hang a wreath near their front door, string-up some Christmas lights, and call it good. But now, decorations are getting bigger every year, to the point where we’re now seeing front yard re-enactments of the original King Kong movie, with a blow-up ape holding onto a roof with one hand, and grasping a life-size scream-queen Fay Wray in the other.
Look, I get it. I’m just your humble correspondent, not Scrooge. We live in America, arguably the most productive, affluent, and freest nation in world history. And if this is some homeowner’s idea of how to “pursue happiness”, no less a figure than Thomas Jefferson declared they have the God-given right to build over-sized Christmas displays.
So it falls on us here at Fix St Louis to enable our fellow Americans to figure-out where to put all this larger-than-life-sized stuff the other 11 months of the year… so that they still have room left over to do things like, I dunno, move around their house without bumping into Christmas decorations, and squeeze more than one article of clothing into each closet. So here’s what we can do for you:
Decoration Room
Hey, great news! Our scientific researchers here at Fix St Louis have discovered a new room in your house you never knew was there, that can accommodate every Christmas decoration you have and keep it out of your way until next year.
Just go to your garage and look up! Still don’t see it? Well, Fix St Louis can add horizontal joists above your head and cover them with plywood sheets to create an upstairs floor, then install a pull-down attic ladder to get you up there.
No, that space would not be suitable as a guest bedroom, at least for a guest you actually liked. But the fact that it doesn’t have walls and a ceiling, lighting (which can be added), insulation, or heating and air conditioning will not generate complaints or a lawsuit from a blow-up King Kong, an artificial Christmas tree, Christmas lights, gnomes, plastic candy canes, or any other element of your holiday artistry.
And for those of you who already have a ceiling in your garage, Fix St Louis can add an attic ladder and plywood flooring so that you can walk around up there, without stepping and falling through the top side of that ceiling, then landing with a thud on the concrete garage floor one story down.
Shelving
Storage of small decorations is not a problem. Fix St Louis can build shelving in your garage or basement, providing a natural habitat for your “Elf on a Shelf” and a shelf-based community to keep him company.
Yes, you can buy free-standing shelf units, but most of these are flimsy and do not have deep shelves, and most homeowners would need several of them to handle all their decorations. Sure, Fix St Louis would be glad to obtain and assemble these for you, but you might be better-off to let us use raw lumber to build exactly the running lengths, depth, and height to maximize your storage capacity into the space available.
And if you’d rather not take up floor space, we can hang shelves on any wall, as well as pegboards and hooks for wreaths and rolled-up lights and electrical cords.
Hang ‘em High
Of course, there are lots of decorations that are too large and bulky to jam onto shelves. Fix St Louis can work with you to install some of the more innovative products available now to hang stuff from your garage ceiling. There are hanging shelves, special hooks, and even rope and pulley kits that allow you to hoist artificial Christmas trees, hyper-sized inflatables, and even bicycles all the way up to the garage ceiling and easily lower them down when needed. Which means there are ways to store even the BIGGEST items without taking up ANY floor or wall space.
I guess this is the point where I’m obligated to make you feel guilty by reminding you that the spirit of Christmas isn’t really about “stuff,” it’s about love, compassion, goodwill to your fellow man, blah blah blah. Well, as handypersons our calling is not to judge or preach. But if you don’t want to step on, bump into, or trip over your Christmas decorations in every month when it ISN’T the holiday season, think of us as Santa’s off-season helpers. Happy New Year and Many Happy Repairs from Fix St Louis!
Dr Steve
Fix SL is a trusted home repair and handyman service provider based in St. Louis, specializing in plumbing, electrical work, drywall, doors & windows, decks & fences, flooring, fan installation, and other home and outdoor repairs. Available 24/7 with free quotes, Fix SL ensures every project—big or small—is completed reliably and efficiently.