If you’ve been puzzled for decades by what Bob Dylan meant by “answers” to his questions in “Blowing in the Wind,” this was a big week for you. Well, a big week for YOU, but not for me. While I may only be your humble correspondent, I’ve known these answers all along.
Don’t get me wrong. Even though they might not have all the answers, folk singers like Bob Dylan have their place in society. Especially for audiences who for some reason think they feel better when they’re made to feel sad. But the real reason Bob Dylan didn’t know the answers is because he doesn’t know anything about home repairs and, frankly, would make a lousy handyman.
Another folk singer with this problem was Pete Seeger, and you can detect it in his song “If I had a hammer.” Geez, if you ever actually listened to the lyrics, you’d think that when you peeked into his toolbox you’d be more likely to find a sickle than a screwdriver next to his hammer, if you know what I mean. And as creepy as relations must have been in his family between his brothers and his sisters, I think the Missouri Department of Child Protective Services would agree with me that the use of percussive hand tools is not the “answer” here, either.
To find the answers to what’s blowing in the wind, all you needed to do was step out of your front door last Saturday morning, look down at your feet, then across the lawn. Yeah, yeah even a folk singer could have figured out that branches and twigs might go airborne during a storm. But if you looked very closely you might also find parts of houses. Not FULL houses, like the one that crushed the Wicked Witch of the East, but parts of them.
So, here’s a helpful guide to the mysterious things you found on your lawn, where on your house they came from, where else on your house to look for missing objects that need to be fixed, and how to prevent similar falling objects in future storms:
Shutters
Check to make sure you are not missing any shutters, or if any are dangling. Also see if either the top or bottom of each shutter panel is bowing-out, and pulling away from the house. Fix St Louis can replace shutters, almost always getting an exact match. We can also secure shutters that seem like they’re trying to escape.
Aluminum Trim Coil
Here’s something you probably never noticed on your house. Quite often, some of the white boards on the outside of a house are actually wood that has been wrapped in a thin layer of white, lightweight metal called “trim coil.” The reason it’s called “coil” is because that’s how it looks when we at Fix St Louis buy it – it’s coiled-up in big rolls. We bend that metal to fit the contours of the boards on your house using a big, heavy mechanical device called a “metal brake”. Why it’s called a “brake”, I can’t tell you. Maybe another rhetorical question can be tacked onto “Blowing in the Wind” so that someday we’ll all find out.
In any event, the vast majority of the calls Fix St Louis gets to replace missing or dangling trim coil are on the sides of roofs – usually along the angled edges of “gables”, the triangular-shaped places where roofs come to a peak. There might also be trim coil on horizontal, non-angled edges of roofs, but there’s often a gutter in front that protects them. This white trim is also found in places other than roofs, like around exterior window framing and on various horizontal boards, e.g. “friezes.” You may have to look closely to find missing trim coil, because the boards they protect are usually white, too. Call Fix St Louis to fix all this kinda stuff.
Window Screens
You may have found that some of your screens, particularly on screened porches, were torn or detached during the storm. Fix St Louis can handle his.
Storm Doors
If the wind damaged a storm door or screen door, while it’s likely the door is still there, it may not be opening or closing properly anymore. Fix St Louis can fix this. We can also install things called “wind chains” which act as shock absorbers. So, if the wind violently flings the door open, the door won’t be damaged.
Mailboxes
If your mailbox had been installed properly, with a post anchored in concrete, it’s probably not leaning on an angle now. If it is leaning, Fix St Louis can get it back in place and secure it in concrete, or replace it entirely if it’s time for a change, anyway.
Maybe in my next life I’ll come back as a folk singer. But, I can’t imagine what it would be like if our customers were happy with us, even if we refused to answer their questions. Or told us they’d rather reflect upon how sad they felt about what’s broken in their house, than have us fix it. Doesn’t sound like a successful business model to me, so these folk singers must know SOMETHING I don’t.
In the meantime, it remains no great mystery who to call to fix just about anything, especially the small repairs others won’t do. The answer my friends is Fix St Louis!