Look, I’m just your humble correspondent who fixes things that break. While that might not seem like much, at least we do provide a needed function to our community, and we take pride in being good at our job.
But what about those whose job it is to keep our nation from being INVADED, for crying out loud, with all these swarms of unidentified drones flying over our houses? OK, maybe if it was only happening in New Jersey, we could all live with that. But it’s everywhere! Whose job is it to FIX THIS?
We know a lot of you think of Fix St Louis FIRST whenever something threatens your home, and we’re flattered by that. But frankly, this one’s not completely within our wheelhouse. Fortunately, we’ve now put some thought into this, and came up with a few things Fix St Louis can do.
Since we already install a lot of your RING video doorbells, we were hoping to find a new app. You know, something that spots drones, then sets-off an Israeli-style Iron Dome to blast them out of the sky. When that app becomes available, we promise you will be the first to know, and we’ll be right over to install one. But in the meantime, here’s some ways Fix St Louis can help.
Windows
Whoever’s behind these drones, you don’t want them looking into your windows, am I right? But you don’t necessarily want to mask your windows with curtains, which block light and your views to the outside.
So let us suggest replacing some of your glass window panes with obscured glass that is frosted or has a pattern built-in. They let light in, but keep Peeping Toms out. These work great in bathrooms, especially if your builder was a knucklehead, and placed a large “Hello, World!” window immediately above a bathtub. Also consider that Fix St Louis can replace just the LOWER glass pane with obscured glass, to hide your “nether regions”. That way, you can still look out the top pane.
Outdoor Lighting
So let’s say these drones land on your front lawn or backyard, and dozens of FBI agents, SWAT team members, little green men, or members of the CCP pile out of their vehicles, and head straight to an un-lit entry door. Now let me caution you that, while I call myself a doctor, I’m definitely NOT a lawyer. But I’d still think that if one of them trips and gets hurt, you could be hit with a major lawsuit, maybe even at the galactic level.
There’s no need to open yourself up to this risk. Fix St Louis can install coach lights (wall-mounted, near doors) and security lights (on the wall, higher-up) around your house that operate from dusk-to-dawn or when motion is detected.
Door Locks
Look, if the drone-ians are equipped with battering rams or high-powered laser beams, all bets are off. But assuming they’ll be trying not to wake-up the neighbors, all you need to do is make sure your entry doors are equipped with deadbolt locks. And while you’re at it, these new combination locks mean you’ll never have to fiddle around for a key, or worry about little Sally or Johnny’s lost key falling into the wrong hands.
For your sake, I hope your personal drone invasion can hold off until after the Inauguration, so that their request to “Take me to your leader” won’t lead to an awkward pause while you try to figure it out. If you’re lucky, instead they will ask to speak with your leader in home repairs, when you can confidently proclaim it’s Fix St Louis!
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis