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Your handyman weighs-in on the Pope vs. Trump feud

You have to admit, it’s not every week where the headlines feature a difference of opinion between the worldwide head of a church offering eternal life and a businessman boasting a rather short-lived string of self-named offerings that have included an Atlantic City casino, steaks, vodka, a board game, neckties, an airline, and even a university.

So, what does Fix St Louis have to say about uninvited guests penetrating our borders? Said no one at any time ever. Glad I asked. Actually, we have a lot of experiencein this area. Sort of.

While it’s TECHNICALLY true that we at Fix St Louisnever deal with the “immigration crisis”, we do deal with its very, VERY distant cousin, the “in-migration crisis”. By that we mean undocumented creatures penetrating yourhome’s borders, and doing a whole of damage. Sometimes they even leave behind nests with ‘anchor babies’ ensuring more damage to come. Termites, carpenter bees & ants, squirrels, raccoons, bats, and woodpeckers, for instance.

At Fix St Louis, we follow a two-step process. In fact, our first process goes SO FAR BEYOND what DonaldTrump would do that it makes him look like the Pope. Now, a few may be concerned that some pests, like carpenter bees, operate in the same vocational trade as Jesus. But, NO theologian we have consulted actually believes they have been made in the image of God.

So, we don’t bother trying to detain, relocate, re-educate, prosthelytize, convert, rehabilitate, or deport these creatures, with or without first matching them up with their family members. We EXTERMINATE them, so they can never come back to do more damage – at least not inthis mortal lifetime. (OK, sometimes we trap them if you prefer). Immediately afterward, we often cover the holes to keep other creatures out using a temporary method, until restoration can take place.

Then, only after we know the pests have been eternally removed, do we perform repairs, restoring your house to its original condition, with no reason to believe they will ever return. We’ll repair or replace the damaged siding, sheathing, lumber, drywall, insulation, shingles, soffits, paint, whatever was damaged.

If you’re always on edge, wondering what those sounds are that are coming from your attic or basement, and what damage is being done you don’t know about, you really should call the INS department here at Fix St Louis. We KNOW how to control YOUR borders, even if no one might know how to do that for our country.


Dr Steve

Fix St Louis