Back in the 1960’s there was a celebrity named Jane Goodall who lived with and studied chimpanzees in Tanzania, and claimed they were remarkably similar to humans. Other than the fact she was a young, attractive blonde, I’m not quite sure why she became a celebrity, given that her findings, in the humble opinion of your humble correspondent, weren’t all that useful.
In fact, one might argue that, other than that part about age and beauty, this old handyman has had a similar, and possibly more useful career path than the recently departed Jane Goodall. After all, I spend most of my time studying the habitats and behavior of the human species, and every day conjure-up observations to improve human flourishing.
For instance, I have observed that people’s homes are never in BETTER SHAPE than immediately before Thanksgiving, immediately before Christmas, and right before they place their house up for sale. And not coincidentally, people are never HAPPIER than in the first 2 instances, and more miserable than before when they realize that, for the same money, they could have enjoyed those last minute improvements for years instead of passing them on to a stranger.
So in the interest of helping you and your family flourish and be happy, and at the same time give our highly-skilled technicians something to do, we at Fix St Louis would like to point out that we can still fit-in your repairs before Thanksgiving. Keep in mind that we’re the ONLY folks who prefer small jobs to big ones, so it’s not like we’re going to move in with you and rip up your kitchen right before the guests arrive.
Here are some suggested small repairs from Fix St Louis:
– Make sure that your guests’ bedroom doors latch properly, and can’t accidentally swing open at awkward times.
– Get that doorbell to function for the first time in lord-knows-how-many years, so that their first impressions are not bad ones.
– Speaking of first impressions, have you looked at that leaning, damaged mailbox lately?
– Make sure that when your guests open the pantry to grab a box of cereal, the door doesn’t get stuck or fall off its track.
– Re-caulk your showers, so your guests don’t worry what’s with that black stuff around the ledge of your tub.
– Stop those leaks coming from the spouts of those bathroom sinks, and get those pop-up drain stoppers to work.
– Do something about that ominous brownish water stain on your family room ceiling, just below the upstairs bath, so you don’t have to hope they don’t look up.
You see how Fix St Louis is able to make these helpful observations without having to move in with you, unlike Jane Goodall, who was probably getting on the chimpanzees’ nerves?
I just glanced at our schedule, and we still have plenty of openings before Thanksgiving, but we’ll need to hear from you very soon or they’ll fill up. We realize that ‘home repairs’ come in at a distant second to ‘people’ in what makes homeowners happy. On the other hand, other people can also make homeowners miserable, as can contractors and tradespeople other than Fix St Louis.
Give Fix St Louis a call and, unlike Jane Goodall, we won’t try to grab a seat at the Thanksgiving dinner table and stare at your guests.
Dr Steve
Fix St Louis